24th
The Next Step
I think it’s safe to say that Crowns Camp has officially ended. Sad! Who knows, Mark may decide to pick up where he left off when things slow down but it’s not likely at this point. Oh well.
So it was an AMAZING experience. One I will definitely be blogging about for sure at some point, but for now I have to say, since the end of Crowns Camp, I’ve been severely under attack! I’ve been so moody and irritable, and the tiniest thing just sets me off and sends me into this uncontrollable frenzy of anger & frustration! Well last night I happened to FINALLY catch the 20 Countdown on KLove! Afterwards, I kept the station going. Suddenly, a song I knew very well came on, but the words soaked into me like I was hearing them for the first time.
The song: Sanctus Real’s Whatever You’re Doing
The lyrics: “Am I doing everything to follow your will or just climbing aimlessly over these hills?”
I’ve been in a serious struggle for some time now. Just trying to figure out who I really am, what I’m going to do with the rest of my life. Of course, I don’t have to have the rest of my life figured out right now, but I’m at a point where I can’t even figure out the NEXT STEP I’m supposed to take! This line really hit home because I don’t know if I’m doing God’s will & I really do feel like I’m just climbing aimlessly over hills. I go through each day & have certain things that I do.
This weekend we celebrated my grandma’s 80th birthday. It was a great time of being with family and catching up with those we don’t get to see very often. I was talking with my uncle & he asked what I was up to. Told him I was trying to find a job & told him I was volunteering at an after-school program. He asked what kinds of things I like to do outside of that and can you believe, I drew an absolute blank. In that moment, I realized I don’t have the slightest clue who I am, and that scared me to death! Sure I go to Kids Club every Tuesday & Thursday, but outside of that, who am I? So many people have other hobbies & specific things they do. Me? Nothing comes to mind. I love photography, sure, but I haven’t made anything of it. We talked a lot about that too and he told me I should figure out a way to pursue that. I want to. I have ideas, I have goals. I guess I just don’t have the slightest clue what the NEXT STEP is in achieving those ideas & goals.
There’s another part of the song that stuck out though.
The line: “Whatever you’re doing inside of me, it feels like chaos, but somehow there’s peace”
Lately I feel like I’m running in circles inside my own body! It’s so strange! But at the same time I look back at this year and see how God is just completely working in me and I’ve allowed Him and encouraged Him to thus far. I’m so grateful for all He’s done & I see all He’s done. So why is it so hard for me to trust that He has things figured out & will guide me towards my NEXT STEP?
When that song was over, the next song on the list was “Every Man” by Casting Crowns. Again, one line stood out from the rest of the song:
The line: “There is peace in troubled times.”
Are you seeing the same recurring theme I am? Well it doesn’t end there! Next up on the list: Revelation by Third Day
Now it’s no secret that I LOVE Third Day. But lately, I have to admit, this song has been played SO much that it kinda lost all meaning to me. It became just another song that I love to hear and sing. But last night, I listened as though I was hearing it for the first time.
From the very beginning, the whole song just said EVERYTHING I was feeling!
My life,
Has led me down the road that’s so uncertain
And now I am left alone and I am broken,
Trying to find my way,
Trying to find the faith that’s gone
This time,
I know that you are holding all the answers
I’m tired of losing hope and taking chances,
On roads that never seem,
To be the ones that bring me home
Give me a revelation,
Show me what to do
Cause I’ve been trying to find my way,
I haven’t got a clue
Tell me should I stay here,
Or do I need to move
Give me a revelation
I’ve got nothing without You
I’ve got nothing without You
That song was followed by a song that recently hit home with me
The song: My Savior My God by Aaron Shust
The beginning hit me like a ton of bricks:
I am not skilled to understand
What God has willed, what God has planned
I only know at His right hand
Stands One who is my Savior
It was at this point that I realized I was having a conversation with God! I asked him to give me a revelation and show me what my NEXT STEP was supposed to be and his answer was “Your NEXT STEP is to learn how to trust me & rest in knowing that I’m in control of your life”
Wow!
